Jon Steingard // Director // Filmmaker

 
 
 

INSTAGRAM // @jonsteingard

DESOLATION // I’m kind of obsessed with deserts. I have been for as long as I can remember. I still haven’t fully worked out why. Maybe it’s because, growing up in rural Canada, there was no such thing. Deserts were something inherently alien and unknown, and that seemed exciting. There is something peaceful about deserts to me. To me, peace is the absence of distraction. If you accept that premise, and then think about situations typically regarded as peaceful, they kind of aren’t. Beaches and resorts and hotels - lots of people and noise. Woods and hiking - less people, sure, but still the wind blowing through the trees and maybe the rush of water in a nearby river or waterfall. Anywhere in a city - self explanatory. No, deserts are peaceful because they’re empty. No people to chatter about, no structures to tower over you, no cars passing, no ac units rumbling - even the wind is silent because it has nothing to brush up against in order to create noise. Silence. It’s almost as if, standing in the middle of a desert, your mind is as open and vulnerable is your body. Nowhere to hide. No one to impress or disappoint. You can be honest with yourself. If we’re honest with ourselves - I mean really honest - then we discover truths that are difficult to share. We are hesitant to express ourselves because doing so would risk offending, alienating, or disturbing people we care about. We can’t stay in the desert forever. Sooner or later, we have to live. And we can’t live there. But I think there is a place for the desert in our lives - it can make us better. Help us dig deeper, and find more meaning in our lives. Jesus spent 40 days in the desert. Israel spent 40 years. There is a time and a place to wander. If that is where you are at - take heart. You are in good company.
Whatever I expected turning 36 would feel like, this is more. It seems like every year is filled with more goodness than the last in so many ways. Even the challenges Jess and I face can so often look like blessings in disguise when viewed in retrospect. The years I think of most fondly tend to be the ones in which we had things to overcome. Things to learn. Opportunities to grow. The years that were easier.... I don’t remember much about those. After 36 years I think the people in my life are what I cherish the most. Jess and Grey and Winnie are the best family I could ask for. The rest of my family and Jess’s - all our friends - people we get to walk with through life for a long time or short time - these are the treasures of a life well lived. Feeling grateful for 36 amazing years and here’s to hopefully quite a few more. ;) Thanks @brittbremnes for capturing this awesome photo of us in Costa Rica this spring!
OLD SOULS // I got myself a motorcycle again! 1979 Honda cb400. After my last bike (triumph bonneville) volunteered as tribute so I could get my first cinema camera, I haven’t had a motorcycle for a few years, and I’ve been wanting to get one again. ⠀ ⠀ This thing is ratty and stripped down and just rad. I like that it’s obviously seen some action. I like that it’s got a few bruises. I like that it’s seen some modifications and upgrades and downgrades and then simplification. I like that it’s almost as if through 40 years of wear and tear, it just shed anything it didn’t need, embraced its imperfections, and leaned into knowing what it is, and what it’s not. ⠀ ⠀ I love people who are this way too. I find myself drawn to the person who has obviously seen a lot in life, but doesn’t feel the need to talk about it until you ask. The person who has all kinds of wisdom, but doesn’t have an emotional need to display it. The person who has a gentle wordless smile that gives you the impression there’s a whole lot they could say but they are content to listen. ⠀ ⠀ We sometimes call this having an “old soul”. I think that’s an interesting and beautiful way to think about it. ⠀ ⠀ Maybe I’m projecting too much humanity onto this bike, but that’s what it makes me think of. ⠀ ⠀ They say everything we see around us is a reflection of how we see ourselves - so maybe this says more about what kind of person I’d like to be than anything else. ⠀ ⠀ It seems like the steps to being this kind of bike are fairly straightforward. ⠀ ⠀ 1. You do not have to stick to your original programming. You can grow and adapt. ⠀ ⠀ 2. Sometimes the best adaptations are losing things that you used to have, or that others thought were best for you. ⠀ ⠀ 3. Sometimes growing means carrying less, not adding more. ⠀ ⠀ 4. Sometimes bumps and bruises can add up to something more interesting and beautiful than perfection. ⠀ ⠀ 5. Joy is light. Sometimes shedding unnecessary bits and bobs leads to a more joyful, dare-I-day-fun existence. ⠀ ⠀ Hmm. That was an unexpected ramble. ⠀ ⠀ Maybe I really do like this bike.
PARENTING // Parents - you are amazing. Raising these two kids is, bar none, the hardest thing @jesssteingard and I have ever done. And we’ve barely started!⠀ ⠀ There are so many times in life where you might pat yourself on the back and think “oh I did a good selfless thing today” - and then you become a parent and you learn what selflessness really looks like. ⠀ ⠀ The lesson is not subtle - and it’s not optional. It’s a mandatory part of parenting. ⠀ ⠀ This seems to be more natural for some than others. I’m in that second category. My selfishness does not go quietly into that good night. It dies kicking and screaming. ⠀ ⠀ Don’t get me wrong here - I adore my children. I couldn’t imagine life without them and the have brought so much joy and purpose into our lives. ⠀ ⠀ Simultaneously - I’ve never experienced so much exasperation, frustration, and exhaustion. These little critters can get under my skin in all the good ways and bad. ⠀ ⠀ I find it fascinating that when you ask older people in what phase of life they felt the most joy - they usually describe their years spent raising children. I find that fascinating. ⠀ ⠀ When I think about the best years of my marriage with Jess - I immediately think of some of the harder years. The years we experienced setbacks and had to lean on each other more. The time we scaled back from a house to an apartment to save money. The time we sold everything and moved to California with almost no possessions at all. The times we had less certainty. ⠀ ⠀ For someone who loves certainty, and works hard to create it- that is odd. ⠀ ⠀ It’s possible that, in retrospect, the harder times were the times in which we were growing - becoming something more. It was happening so slowly we couldn’t see it at the time - like a tree growing. But in retrospect- those were seasons that created new life in us. ⠀ ⠀ I think parenting is like that. It’s hard - but it’s creating growth on a whole new scale. Something about that rings true too. ⠀ ⠀ So here’s to you parents! You are amazing!⠀ ⠀ And here’s to MY parents - and the hard times I put them through. I’m sorry, and maybe kinda... you’re welcome?! Hahaha.
NOTHING TO PROVE // This has been my mantra recently - “You have nothing to prove to anyone.” ⠀ ⠀ The more I’ve let that sink into my heart the more power this idea seems to hold in my life. ⠀ ⠀ I’m gradually realizing that each and every person on this planet is wrestling with the questions of meaning and existence and faith and doubt and love and hate and everything in between. ⠀ ⠀ It should say something to us that just within Christianity there are over 30,000 denominations with varying beliefs on all kinds of things. That’s before we mention any other religion. ⠀ ⠀ To me that means that so much is not settled. There is a lot of unknown. Those of us that do believe in God are generally gathering up all our unknowns, tying them up in a neat little package (or sometimes not so neat), and calling it God. ⠀ ⠀ This isn’t a criticism - it’s simply how each of us attempts to find certainty in a world that is so uncertain. It’s normal to look for solid ground on which to stand. How could we not?⠀ ⠀ Each of us is drawing on our life experiences to determine what it is we believe about the unknown. Some of us read scripture and have long-standing traditions, but often we draw on these mostly to validate the beliefs we have already formed from our experiences.⠀ ⠀ Since we all have such different experiences in life - no wonder we have so much variance in our beliefs! ⠀ ⠀ All this leads me to a place where I have to find some confidence in my own journey. I can trust my gut feelings (read: subconscious, spirit, Holy Spirit, whichever you prefer) and walk my own path with a bit less caution and bit more curiosity. I can recognize that I have nothing to prove to anyone. And that is freedom. ⠀ ⠀ When you have nothing to prove you can be confident - you can also be kind. ⠀ ⠀ You lose your taste for debate and side-taking, and you begin to gain a new appreciation for the people around you. You can hold things more loosely, and let love and kindness flow to you and from you more readily. ⠀ ⠀ You can embrace truth wherever it is found. ⠀ ⠀ Less grasping for approval. ⠀ Less needing to be right. ⠀ ⠀ More joy. ⠀ More generosity. ⠀ ⠀ Live. more. freely. With nothing to prove.
ALWAYS. EVERYTHING. // I've been thinking about the story of the prodigal son in a whole new way recently. If you grew up in the Christian tradition like I did, you know the story I'm talking about. ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ The way I always read it went something like this. "A father had two sons and one of them was kind of a douchebag. He took half his dad's money, spent it on all kinds of 'worldly' things, and then came crawling back to his father, cuz 'worldly' things never satisfy."⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ I think the lesson in my mind was always "don't do bad stuff" - but thinking about it just that one way left me missing SO MUCH goodness about the story. ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ Here are some things I see in the story now:⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ 1. The younger son thought his bad behavior SEPARATED him from the father. It didn't. He was a SON the whole time.⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ 2. The older son thought his good behavior CONNECTED him to the father. It didn't. He was a SON the whole time. ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ 3. The younger son decided he was better off coming back to the father as a servant. When he returned, he intended to SERVE the father. The father says "heck no - you are a SON."⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ Could it be that when we no longer believe we are worthy of God's LOVE, we attempt to SERVE him instead? ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ In the story, the Father says.... "You are always with me, and everything I have is yours." ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ALWAYS. EVERYTHING.⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ He doesn't say "now that you're back" or "now that you've seen the error of your ways" or "if you do the right stuff from now on". ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ He says ALWAYS.⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ He says EVERYTHING.
WOMAN! // Today is @jesssteingard's birthday - errrrrrbody wish her a good one! 33 looks good on you babe...⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ (I tell her this all the time, but I think she's the most beautiful she's ever been. In a culture that sometimes tells women that they are at their best when they're young and without wrinkles - I've watched Jess grow in strength and character and kindness and wisdom and BEAUTY over these past 15 years. Here's to all you women who defy the idea that your best days are behind you. It's B.S. You can grow in beauty your entire life. I'm watching it happen before my eyes.)